i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
