i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
