I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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