I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
time to smoke my breakfast
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
