Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
