just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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