Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
