Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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