just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
