JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
