I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Houston, we have a blender
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
