what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
