Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
