this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
