i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
