Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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