Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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