Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize