you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
