Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
