My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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