i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I need a beard to bite.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
