Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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