too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
