smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
is wine microwaveable?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
