If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
