We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize