THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We need a shit load of segways right now
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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