Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
