worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I touched a dick in church today
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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