I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
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