After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
