Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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