he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
