I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
