There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
