Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
BRING THE BAGELS
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
