you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
