Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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