Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
