the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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