some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
