Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
