You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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