I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
