3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
