I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
