I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize