the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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