THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
