Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
how drunk are you?
Several
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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