I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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