I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
