I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
