Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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