He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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