we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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