By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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