Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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