I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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