wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
