Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
apparently the secret to your success is patron
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
