eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
