I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
