Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Welp...herpes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Randomize
