Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
jump out the window naked night went bad
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
