It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He passed out mid-signature
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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