3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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