I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
