I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
