Your mouth is God's brothel.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
