i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This house was built for laser tag.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
