The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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