Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize